04 July, 2006

Bitches in Heat

Before my Biker Love In, during the day on Saturday I went to a summer party with a group of teachers I used to work with years ago which was fine, although I didn't really have much in common with the others there. The primary reason I went was to see my friends who were down from Sheffield with the triplets, one of whom is my non-God child.

A couple of the women started bitching about a very good friend of mine (MGL - Most Glamorous Laydee) who wasn't in attendance (she still teaches at the school but wasn't there - she isn't really a part of that 'clique') and I just sat there not saying anything (they didn't know I still see her).

About half an hour passed (with them bitching the whole time about MGL and me being unusually silent. The bitching was becoming quite vile and they said some things I would not ever dream repeating because they was so offensive to MGL) and the following transpired:

Bitch # 1: 'You're very quiet, Ziggy... do you remember MGL at all?'

Ziggy: 'Oh yes, in fact, I see her very regularly still'.

Bitch # 3 (stuttering slightly): 'How, in a professional sense?'

Ziggy: 'No, she is one of my very closest friends. In fact, she really is more like my family now. I see her once at least every 2 weeks and regard her as one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my entire life.'

Bitches sit in complete silence. Bitch # 1 (Ringleader of the Bitches) starts to flush red from her cleavage all the way up her neck till she resembles a lolling beetroot on a stick.

After at least 5 minutes of complete and utter awkward silence, Bitch # 1 (Ringleader) makes some excuse to leave the party altogether.

Bitch # 3 now sidles up to me with: 'Why didn't you say something earlier when we were carrying on like that? We're so embarrassed...'

Ziggy's final retort as he leaves the party: 'That was the point, bitches.'

17 comments:

Bluez628 said...

Just goes to show you, never say anything about someone you wouldn't say right to their face. GREAT retort Zig.

Shoulda smacked dem bitches upside da head

Saviour Onassis said...

Yes, the power of words is amazing. I am in a situation where two friends are no longer "together" and one isnsists on bitching about the other to me on a daily basis. I am now at a point where I feel like clobbering him. Maybe it would help if I just ask him, politely, to stop "being such a bitch!"

DaBich said...

I am soooo proud of you Zigster! You dd the right thing! And put them bitches in their place! ^5!!!

Miz BoheMia said...

Oooh Ziggy! Now THAT was a thing of beauty! Sheer beauty!

Doesn't it feel great to put bitches in their place? K-KISH BABY! Smack that bitch up!

Dan Project 76 said...

Yay! Great retort!

My best one of the week so far is "Yes but I'm married... To a man!" as somebody told me off for akkegedly looking at a lady after I mentioned my wedding.

Fools!

Haily said...

Good one!

The only thing better than that is when people are talking about you in a different language only to find out that you speak the language also.

constant rain said...

LOL!! Classic illustration of how much unnecessary shit your mouth can get you into!

ziggystardust73 said...

Bluez - I wish I'd said what you just said! that made me laugh at my screen again... how do you do that to me so often?!

Saviour - don't you hate it when mutual friends fall out?? I have that situation and it makes for one awkward moment after another...

Dabich - I'm here to make you proud ;-)

Miz BoHo - you and I both know all about the bitches of this world, I'm sure... ;-)

Dan - fools is right. Anyways, how's married life treating you??

Haily - good point, I'm just not bright enough to start learning multiple languages! Good to see you here again.

Constant - YAY! Haven't seen you for ages! Your mate J has been visiting, I like her cos she likes whiskey! ;-)

running42k said...

Ziggy, I love you!! That was awesome. At first I was reading that post saying, "Why doesn't Zig say something to defend his friend?" not knowing that like that great line from some Star Trek movie. "Revenge is a dish best served cold". Cold like them bitches hearts!

ziggystardust73 said...

Running - I love that expression - revenge is a dish best served cold.

It fits so perfectly with how I feel about the day too!

Jason said...

I love watching people squirm uncomfortably when they deserve it.

Dan Project 76 said...

Marrried life is treating me the same as living in sin life but with millions of cards and presents everywhere.

J said...

lol! well, i don't really drink whiskey but i find it to be a pretty nifty word for some reason. i like visiting here, though. it's funny as hell.

ziggystardust73 said...

Yes, I rather enjoy making bitches feel uncomfortable also, Jason!

Dan - I'm jealous of your presents.

J - you don't need to drink whiskey to hang around here, but it may help! :-)

nortynessa said...

that was hilarious nort, how fun!!!xxxxx

Perry Neeham said...

You played that brilliantly.

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