27 April, 2006
I went out with Twinkle Monkey on Tuesday night; we hadn't had a proper catch up for ages and it was so good to see him.
A comment he made struck me afterwards though: he reminded me (just in the course of our conversation) that he continues to see most of his ex-boyfriends (including me!) as friends now. It made me realise that of my ex-boyfriends, he is the only man I manage to maintain a friendship with.
Why is that?
* My first boyfriend (of 3+ years) vowed that if I left him he would never speak to me again (and has kept to his promise).
* My second boyfriend (of about 10 months) I saw a handful of times after we broke up and he maintained that he was 'in love' with me, so I decided to make a clean break completely and have never really been back in touch with him since.
* My third boyfriend (of around 2 years) was cheating on me with half of the gay community in London and lying to my face for the duration of the relationship, so I don't really want to talk to him again for fear of punching him.
Or at least, those are the reasons I use to justify the fact I don't see any of them.
The one I miss most, bizarrely, is the first boyfriend. Even though our relationship had significant flaws, I miss him a little. Perhaps that's because he still holds the power over me by choosing not to speak to me?