21 September, 2005

Date of the Blind.

So, I should have known when he said 'Let's meet in the Yard' that it was never going to work.

I decided to be very brave last night and go on a blind date. What little I knew about the guy seemed decent enough - works in the media (I've always been attracted to creatives), lover of music (an imperative for me) and over the phone, seemed to have a decent wit.

So I head to the Yard (bleugh!) and after realising that the photo I had seen of him was obviously 4 years old, began to chat. (I mean, image isn't *everything*, surely...)

But when I say 'chat' - it wasn't really a dialogue. In fact, I don't think I said that much at all during the 2 hours we were together. He just spoke about himself. Apart from the obligatory "what is it you do for work again?", to which my answer was treated with yet another diatribe about how fantastic his job was.

Although I could write a veritable essay about pearler moments of the evening, here's just a taster:

Date: Do you find it difficult being Australian?
Ziggy: Er... sorry?
Date: Well, surely you don't like it?
Ziggy: Fuck you! (said with a smile in my broadest Aussie accent while taking another slurp of my pint)

The end of the evening was possibly the finest moment though, at around 10.30am... Date obviously felt it appropriate to let me know that even though I was Australian (evidently a lower life form) that he found me attractive. He did this by grabbing my arse and saying "loving your look, man".

Wanker.

Think I'll just stay at home in future and watch re-runs of Prisoner Cell Block H.

6 comments:

Nick Stephenson said...

Oh my God ... you're an AUSTRALIAN? What a disaster. Can't be your friend now*

The blind date - a Gaydar date?

Sorry you had such an unsatisfactory evening. I can't believe he pinched your arse (actually, yes, I can).

I (very) occasionally go to The Yard. Maybe I'll see you in there one day?

[* I am very fond of Aussies]

ziggystardust73 said...

gaydar?! GASP! (feigning horror at the suggestion! it wasn't actually gaydar in fact, but another horrid site like it... why the hell do I do this stuff?!)

But how will I know what you look like at The Yard??

Anonymous said...

How about this for an alternative ending to the evening???

Date: Do you find it difficult being Australian?
Ziggy: Er... sorry?
Date: Well, surely you don't like it?
Ziggy alternative answer: You are right, I would much rather be a boring, self centered, beer-slurpid, pretentious, xenophobic
wanker like you!

With all my italo-australian love! xx

Dan Project 76 said...

Oh God the memories! I think all blind dates must be the same and my first book will be my guide to them. I had many bad ones over the years: The one who didn't send me a photo but got mine (minging monster) , the one whose photo was how shall we say out of date (i am not superficial just like honesty) , the drunk one who flirted a bit too much and scared me, the one who lied about his name and job, the one who wouldn't shut up about himself, the one who was scared of me...

Thankfully I have been happily married and haven't been to The Yard in over five years. Oh now I sound smug which was not my intention.

Dan Project 76 said...

LikeOhMyGod! You're an Australian!

Do you work in a bar in Covent Garden?

Do you?

Say you do!

You must, surely?

Etc.

It must be so difficult for you... the constant disappointment of blind dates with stupid ignorant wankers. I hope he paid for all the drinks as punishment for his stupidity.

ziggystardust73 said...

oh! thanks for all your kind words of support at this horror of evenings!!!