Beer, Anyone?

I was out of London for the weekend; it was great to have a break from the city and the pressures here. My fug lifted slightly which was great.

However, the weekend was also about catching up with some friends of mine who live out of London - friends I've had for a long time and who are incredibly dear to me.

Although the weekend was nice (good to see friends, get out of London, etc), there was a couple of moments that really confused me. One of my dear friends there (we'll call her Dear Friend - DF for the purpose of this post) seemed to be acting out of character quite a lot; she was quite aggressive (normally she is the most easy going, gentle woman around) and then withdrawn and quiet at other times.

Monday I was back at work (with a vengeance - we are working on a huge tender which is quite overwhelming) and I received a call from my friend (MofBAY) whose place we were all staying at for the weekend. It transpires that DF had broken down just after I left and told MofBAY (in between the sobs that lasted for over 3 hours) that she felt a 'useless mother' and that her children hated her; that she was on the verge of leaving it all and that she simply couldn't cope.

The call upset me greatly - mostly because this has obviously been going on for DF for some time but because of the 'taboo' surrounding mental health, DF simply didn't feel able to talk about it. Why is that?

It is fine for us to discuss with friends how we feel physically - but to talk about our psychological/emotional state is not as simple. Society feels nowhere near as comfortable with mental health as it does with physical health - and I believe we all suffer because of it.

In other news, I recently watched a film which was possibly the most bizarre (and beautiful) film I've ever seen - Guy Maddin's The Saddest Music in the World. Guy Maddin is a genius; I wonder how his mental health is?

Heavy Fog

My head is in a complete fug at the moment. I don’t really understand what that’s about; I just feel dazed and confused. And not necessarily in a good way.

I puked a few times (not alcohol induced) yesterday and the day before also so decided to have the day off work yesterday. In amongst all of this: Wednesday night I had gone on my fourth (and final) date with HL (Handsome Lawyer).

The soundtrack to the fog surrounding me has been a mix of:

1. Joan of Police Women*:

I don't want to live for tomorrow
save me
I don't want to live for tomorrow
save me
I don't want to live for tomorrow
I don't want to live for the dying chance
if you're already good as gone
if you're already good as gone

2. CSS:

Come and erase me, take me with you.
Kiss me I’m drunk, don’t worry it’s true
I want you to show me how mad is your love
Come and attack me, it’s not gonna hurt

Fight me, deny me if I fear when you’re close
Let’s make love and listen to death from above…

3. The Grates**:

Some mother fuckers think they're born to dance,
Some mother fuckers think they're born to, dance,
Shakin' like you don't know what you're waiting for,
Shake like bacon ice cold it's floored,
But you're stuck,

Inside inside inside inside inside, outside,
Outside outside outside outside outside, inside,
Now, twirl for me,
Twirl like a little girl…

And I wonder my head is in a fog…

* thanks to F/BF (Flatmate/Best Friend) for discovering the beauty of Joan…

** and thanks to B.I.L (Brother In Law) for alerting me to the energy of The Grates...

Exhaust-Head.

That's it, kids. I have officially had too much to do. My liver has begun to bark again. Organic had a serious word about this with me recently and I know it's not good.

My weekend was too full to talk about in detail, but my Saturday sort of sums it up:

I caught the train down to Brighton to see Marito and his soon-to-be-wife, Mad Girl at their wedding venue for lunch - I've been asked to be Best Man so we needed to talk through how it was all going to happen. He is my straight husband and she is a bitch for stealing him from me. Sigh.

I arrived at the venue at 1.30pm and as I had somehow arrived before them (even though my journey was an hour and a half and they live literally around the corner from the place) I decided to start with a glass of champagne (well it was the middle of the day, it's only right). Marito flew in to the place in a highly strung flap and Mad Girl followed shortly after - and the drinking commenced. My goodness, do those two know how to drink. A long, leisurely and frankly lovely lunch ensued, followed by literally hours of drinking (champagne, I decided that if I stuck to champagne my hangover wouldn't be as bad as if I mixed.... the logic seemed right at the time.)

I ended up falling out of the place at 10pm and somehow getting a taxi to take me back to Brighton station in an attempt to catch the last train back to London. Which I somehow managed. Problem being the last train was a 'stop' train, which takes nearly twice as long as the express. Great.

A very drunken Ziggy on board the last train with a bunch of other drunken random strangers singing along with my music (compliments of my ipod turned up very loud so we could all hear it through the earphones - the music was actually not that important anyway, our voices were doing the job fine).

I got home at around 1am and was pleasantly surprised to find F/BF drinking (you guessed it...) champagne.

So of course I carried on drinking with the lovely lady (such a gentleman) and we ended the night with our furniture pushed out of the way in our living room and some crazy laydee dancing.

Fabulous.

You Muppet!

Things seem to have turned a corner a bit for me, I'm feeling a bit better. A couple of good things that have happened include:

1. Had date # 3 with Handsome Lawyer (HL). He took me to Rules which, although supposedly a bit of a tourist trap, is amazing. Really good, comforting English food cooked very well. I'm not saying anything more about the evening yet...

2. Spoke to my beautiful friend The Doctor and resolved our issues - we spoke on the phone last night for one and a half hours and I, for one, feel much better for having had the conversation.

But what I'm much more interested in talking about today is the DVD I watched last night - Muppet's Wizard of Oz.

I love the Muppets, but recent films like this one just don't cut it in my opinion. Dorothy was played by a lacklustre Ashanti, Aunt Em by Queen Latifah (puh-lease. she can't act for shit) and some of the muppets just didn't seem to sparkle like they used to.

There were still a couple of choice moments, I particularly liked Toto being played by Pepe the Prawn, Okay?

But now for my question of the day (and what an important question it is...):

Who is your favourite Muppets character and why?

I'll get the ball rolling - mine is Beaker for the following 5 star performance:

Crying Cats and Happy Endings

BAY (Beautiful and Young) and her family whom I love (one and all) bought me a ticket to see The Cat Empire for my birthday back in May; the actual gig was Friday night. It was the first time BAY and her younger sister had been to a gig and to be honest, this very fact excited me even more than the gig itself. I think The Cat Empire are OK musically, not enough to buy their CD though.

The gig itself was fantastic. The band were really energetic and everyone was dancing which was great - the girls and I even did some moshing (I haven't moshed in years so this was rather amusing...); I actually got quite drunk with MofBAY (Mum of BAY), my very dear friend (it was the first time we had been 'out' in ages - she's recently been given the all clear after extensive breast cancer treatment) and ended up telling some of their friends from their posh village who were also at the gig that they were homophobic and should go back to the 'nowhere village they come from'. Oops.

MofBAY loved it of course. She and DofBAY (Dad of BAY) are Londoners who moved out so that their children could grow up away from the pressures of city life - sensible in theory, but finding like-minded people to mix with is the hard bit. Anyway, all in all it was fantastic and great to see the girls loving their first gig.

I retreated to my bedroom for most of Saturday - I've had a bit of a tough week emotionally to be honest and felt I needed some time away from people in general. (as an aside: I spoke to my sister who has felt her baby move for the first time - so exciting!)

Sunday I had plans to see other friends but cancelled those as well and watched a fantastic DVD called Happy Endings.

It probably wasn't that fantastic a film, but given my mood it was perfect. F/BF (Flatmate/Best Friend) had been crying Sunday morning in an uncontrollable stylee at hearing some news that a good friend of F/BF's mother has three months left to live, due to cancer in just about every internal organ imaginable. Bizarrely it made me think of my Nan who died at just 57 (I was 7 years old) and how I used to lie in bed with her in the last few weeks of her life (she died at home, my mother nursed her) and she still would tell jokes and try and make me laugh. Right up to the very end.

Anyway, Happy Endings made me cry again and then I sobbed uncontrollably for about 3 hours. Which was great. I feel so much better today for it. And my eyes look amazing.

**managed to somehow upload the photos! yay me! oh, and maggie gyllenhaal is beautiful... **

have a nice weekend...

You've never been to Niagara Falls?
I have seen water, its water, that's all...
The Eiffel Tower, the Empire State?
My pulse was as high on my very first date!
Your grandson's hand as he plays with your hair?
To be honest, I really don't care...

I've seen it all, I've seen the dark
I've seen the brightness in one little spark.
I've seen what I chose and I've seen what I need,
And that is enough, to want more would be greed.
I've seen what I was and I know what I'll be
I've seen it all - there is no more to see!

.... I've been listening to bjork again

Tag-Head by my beeiiiaatch Dabich

I haven't been tagged for ages so was a bit excited to see this one via my favourite beeiiiaatch:








Rapper Name - Homo (Z)apian. (well this is a ridiculous answer to a ridiculous question... sorry, Scribe...)

Alternative Rock Band Name - Stardusters.

Name your pain - The pain of existence.

1 True Word That Symbolizes God - Reality.

1 True Love or 1 Million Dollars? - True love every time.

Live Free or Die Stupid? - I'm already stupid so I'll choose the Live Free.

Purist, happiest moment ever (8 words or less) - My first ever orgasm.

Most Influential Life Lesson - Trust is something that has to be earned.

Most Succesful Person You Least Admire - George Bush.

Where we go when we die (1 word) - Somewhere.

Worst TV Show of the Past Decade - Big Brother (especially in its current incarnation).

Best TV Show of the Past Decade - Doctor Who.... NO, Kath & Kim, NO... Catherine Tate... OH I CAN'T CHOOSE!!!

Still with me, yes or no? - Struggling through it somehow....

Burning Building - baby or dog? - I'm with Dabich on this one, one under each arm.

Who runs the world? (2 words or less) - Bigoted losers.

Worst Idea You Ever Had - To stay in the relationship with my ex-partner (the Wanker).

Shittiest Job You Ever Had - Hotel receptionist - although the stories I could tell are good ;-)

Best Job You've Ever Had - The one still to come (or at least that's what I'm telling myself).

I believe I have to now tag 3 others to keep in the spirit of the game... so I tag Ryan, Constant (seeing as Scribe chose not to) and the Twinkling Monkey...

Boyfriend of the Week

My weekend was way too full of things for me to talk about, the thought of writing it down is slightly overwhelming (and as I'm feeling a little emotionally fragile I just can't do it);

so instead, here is my Boyfriend of the Week.

Mike Patton, formerly of Faith No More and Epic fame.

I want him to look like he did then though. Yeah.

Smug Gays and Marriage

Although I doubt I will personally ever get married, I don't have a problem with other gay people choosing to do so. In fact, I support whatever decision someone makes for themselves with regards to commitment - after all, it is their relationship, not mine.

That said, I am finding it quite difficult at the moment with various people around me.

TWG (The Welsh Gay) is currently planning his marriage to the man he has been in a relationship with for 7 years. Great. Apart from the fact that they have both had 'extra-marital' affairs and search for 'extra-marital' trysts together constantly.

Um, sorry - but how does that fit in to the 'sanctity' of marriage? For example:

"I, John take thee Barry to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till in death we part, and with this ring I thee wed, and with my body I thee honor, and pledge my unfaithfulness."

Actually Barry - it's all about the threesomes. Why bother marry, TWG? And what exact reason do you have to be so smug about it?

Devil's Haircut

DB (Ditzy Blonde) returned from Kiwi-Land recently and I was ecstatic for two reasons:

1. She is fantastic company and makes more inappropriate, silly comments than I do.

2. She is the only other person apart from my sister who cuts my hair well.

What I also love about DB is that when she sees me she just decides what is going to happen with my hair. I have no choice in the matter.

I am not very good at making decisions like what haircut to have; however, occasionally DB cuts my hair and I think: SHIT.

It's not that I don't like the haircut, more that I worry about how it is going to go down at my workplace. My boss is rather conservative (as is the industry I work in) and our clients even more so. So on Saturday when DB cut my hair before we all headed out to dinner and drinks in cutting edge Clerkenwell, I was quite happy with the German-military-deconstructed-buzzcut-haircut.

After several bottles of wine and numerous post dinner drinks (Cointreau was my digestive of choice) it seemed truly fantastic. OBF and I decided to do a photo shoot around my hair in a drunken stylee of which I've attached a photo...

Upon waking on Sunday morning with a massive hangover and thinking about the huge meeting I had on Monday morning, I wasn't so sure. In fact, I felt very unsure.

Book Geeks # 1

Friday night a group of us held our inaugural book club meeting - it was a huge success! The group consists of only 4 of us - DJ Slippers, Mrs Vanderbilt, Kevin Aucoin and myself, and our first book was one of Mrs Vanderbilt's choices - Homage to Catalonia by George Orwell.

The book was chosen at random from a list we had each chosen two books for, and to be honest, when this book was selected I wasn't that happy. Although I love George Orwell's writing (Nineteen Eighty-Four is an amazing novel), the concept of reading about the Spanish Civil War filled me with dread. I normally *hate* books or films to do with war.

So I was thrilled to find that as I read the book I was enjoying it more and more! It is written in Orwell's typically lyrical, beautiful style whilst remaining clear and understandable.

Although each of us had slightly different opinions, the discussion was lively and exciting, and everyone worked well together. The conversation bounced all over the place, from the content and style of the book to the current global political state of the world, to Orwell's amazing vision. All washed down with several bottles of lovely wine and some themed snacks - Spanish tapas of course.

Ziggy for one can't wait for the next meeting. Long live the Book Geeks!

What you do, Bubba?

I've been keeping a secret for weeks now but am not prepared to for any longer.

Lil' Sis and B.I.L (Brother In Law) are pregnant! They've just had the 12 week scan and everything is good! No problems and apparently the baby was fooling around on the scan, waving at them and had a temper tantrum when my sister coughed.

Typical - my niece or nephew already has attitude. I guess it's in the genes.

YAY! I'm going to go baby clothes shopping over the weekend....

Lil' Sis/B.I.L - I love YOU! Congratulations, know that I'm thinking of you constantly.

Wherever I leave my hat...

Last night I caught up with Handsome Lawyer (HL) whom I used to date for a short while before I started seeing The Wanker. It is the first time we have caught up properly for over 3 years, so I felt a bit apprehensive about it to say the least. How was I going to feel about him? How would he feel about me? Would I find him attractive? Would the conversation be OK? etc.

We met at the South Bank and it was a gorgeous evening - really balmy, warm and there people milling about everywhere. We went to have a drink right on the river and then ate at Fish! right next to Southwark Cathedral.

It felt like we were somewhere in the Mediterranean - sitting in my t-shirt outside at 10pm at night and still feeling warm. On the table next to us was Paul wherever I leave my hat, that's my home Young who, as an aside, looks great for his age. Botox perhaps?

After dinner we strolled along the river and I wondered why I let this 6'2 blonde, blue eyed, intelligent, Handsome Lawyer get away.

The question is: was I simply fooled by the romance of the evening/setting? I'm sure all will be revealed with time. It always is.

In other news, I received my mark on my Psychology exam and somehow managed a Distinction. How the hell I simply don't know.

and now breathe...

My weekend was so brilliant that I don't even know where to begin. A few key points though:

Friday Night: Home alone, with copious amounts of red wine (oops), numerous Doctor Who DVDs and chatting to random blokes on gay.com pretending to be a 19 year old hustler. The fun never stops.

Saturday Day: Met up with NS (Non Smoker) at Balham Kitchen & Bar for liquid brunch before moving on to the Most Bizarre BBQ Ever. The host was a crazy Kiwi woman who had obviously been drinking since 9.30 in the morning so by the time her guests arrived was weaving slightly. The guests included an Asian Shirley Bassey lookalike who made me eat some of her curry and an awful gay man whose beautiful Kenyan husband was only with him so that he could stay in the country. True dat.

Saturday Night: Hospitality at the Red Hot Chili Peppers gig (FANTASTIC! What I can remember of it...) with NS (Non Smoker) - more alcohol (a combination of champagne, red wine and finally gin [?!?!]), drunken tube journey afterwards with NS's digital camera reminding us of our antics the next morning. All 199 photos. Mostly of fat ladies' bottoms and a sexy Jewish geek reading a London A-Z opposite us on the tube. At one point I wasn't sure I hadn't peed myself given how much NS and I were laughing. In fact, it was the man sitting behind me at the gig who had peed his pants - NS had photographic evidence of it the next day.

Sunday Day: Quite a bit of puking in the morning and then the Undercover Surrealism exhibition at the Hayward Gallery with TLB (Truly Lovely Boy) which took some work given how very hungover I was.

The screening of "Un Chien Andalou (An Andalusian Dog)" by Luis Bunuel was particularly difficult...

Mine's Gayer than yours, Butchie...

Butchie always has such fantastically gay videos over at his blog, so I thought he might enjoy this one....

hopefully the rest of you will get a laugh out of it also.

London's latest problem

First it was terrorism. Then it was Mad Cow's. Next came Avian Flu. Now it's....

CITY SHORTS.

This is a new blog dedicated to the issue at hand.

Please help me inform the masses of this growing problem.

Holes of Glory

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This messed with my head so I thought I'd share...

Bitches in Heat

Before my Biker Love In, during the day on Saturday I went to a summer party with a group of teachers I used to work with years ago which was fine, although I didn't really have much in common with the others there. The primary reason I went was to see my friends who were down from Sheffield with the triplets, one of whom is my non-God child.

A couple of the women started bitching about a very good friend of mine (MGL - Most Glamorous Laydee) who wasn't in attendance (she still teaches at the school but wasn't there - she isn't really a part of that 'clique') and I just sat there not saying anything (they didn't know I still see her).

About half an hour passed (with them bitching the whole time about MGL and me being unusually silent. The bitching was becoming quite vile and they said some things I would not ever dream repeating because they was so offensive to MGL) and the following transpired:

Bitch # 1: 'You're very quiet, Ziggy... do you remember MGL at all?'

Ziggy: 'Oh yes, in fact, I see her very regularly still'.

Bitch # 3 (stuttering slightly): 'How, in a professional sense?'

Ziggy: 'No, she is one of my very closest friends. In fact, she really is more like my family now. I see her once at least every 2 weeks and regard her as one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my entire life.'

Bitches sit in complete silence. Bitch # 1 (Ringleader of the Bitches) starts to flush red from her cleavage all the way up her neck till she resembles a lolling beetroot on a stick.

After at least 5 minutes of complete and utter awkward silence, Bitch # 1 (Ringleader) makes some excuse to leave the party altogether.

Bitch # 3 now sidles up to me with: 'Why didn't you say something earlier when we were carrying on like that? We're so embarrassed...'

Ziggy's final retort as he leaves the party: 'That was the point, bitches.'

um... Happy Pride?

So it was gay pride over the weekend and how many gay establishments did Ziggy attend?

Nada.

In fact, I had drinks and dinner with a mate on my roof terrace Saturday night, and then once she had left, joined my neighbour and her Biker Buddy (BB - sounds so gay, doesn't it?) who were also sitting on the roof.

When I first sat down with them (at around 11.30pm) it was obvious that he felt uncomfortable with me (he was about 6'2, with bulging muscles, a shaven head with large nasty scars visible pretty much everywhere on his body from significant motorbike accidents) most probably due to the fact that I was gay. Nothing was said to me, but you could tell that he wasn't entirely comfortable.

Two bottles of whiskey later at 4am and I had to extract myself from his arms that were wrapped around me, with him telling me what a fantastic 'bloke' I was and how much he loved me. Apparently I had more drinking power (and therefore testosterone) than most of his biker buddies...

I really enjoyed the night - it appealed to me that my 'gay pride' involved enabling this very straight biker to look past my sexuality and see me just as me.